i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
