My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
