did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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