he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
you made out with another girl for some wings
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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