Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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