nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The Olympian is in my bed
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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