Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
