I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
