Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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