the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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