yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just want nice things and good sex
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
