If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
