It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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