This is the prime rib incident all over again
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
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wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
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It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.