ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.