Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
