So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?