Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
