what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander