like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
