There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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