dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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