is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
no, he came in my armpit
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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