why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
