I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
