Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
