he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
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dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
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I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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