her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
