a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
