She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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