$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
