Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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