His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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