So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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