Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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