Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
