he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
