Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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