If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
