chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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