Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
