its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
