i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
