seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
