I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Every concussion has its silver lining
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
