So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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