just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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