I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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