I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
