I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
