i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize