...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
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I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
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There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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