You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize