Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
