even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
