I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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