I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Even my vagina gasped.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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