I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
