so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
