Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Randomize
