some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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