I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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