piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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