i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
