She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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