she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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