Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
