mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
