come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
