dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
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there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
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Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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