There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Randomize
