She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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