when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
