girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
