its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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