she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
